The Desire

 The desire is there.
The motivation, the discipline is not there anymore.
I want to write.

I wanted to write all day. But nope. It's now getting later and I'm closer but still... It's like working out and being healthy. It's just hard. Until you decide that, even small moments work.

I read a book in 2021 that was called Atomic Habits. A book about improving by 1% and keep doing it until the habit is there. 1-2 minutes of writing sounds ridiculous. But I know after doing it a few days/weeks in a row, I will get better and the habit will get longer. He talked about habit stacking, etc. Now, I am just trying to find things that I do on a normal basis to stack more habits on. 

Here's hoping that either tonight or tomorrow is better.  

First Time Printed

I can't describe the feeling I had the other day when I finally printed out my book. All 68,000 words. It was an amazing feeling. I printed three copies and man! Seeing it just printed gave me goosebumps. It was better than Christmas. It was all my heart and soul in one spot.  I didn't hit my goal of what I wanted to hit before I printed it this time. I'm hoping with the changes etc, it will grow just a few more words. Goal is 70,000 for what I'm wanting to do.
As I sat holding it in my arms, so many emotions rant through me. Proud, happiness, joy, sadness, terrified, etc. Everything ran through me. Every worse case scenario, every best case scenario. My hubby just looked at me strange as I hugged them tighter. My manuscript. Printed. In that moment, I was a true author. Whether I get it published or not. Whether someone likes it or not. I'm an author. I completed a book from start to finish.

now to start on the next one...

Start Writing

 Writing has always been something that pulls at my soul. It's something that I can't get away from no matter what I do. Somedays I can't write anything. I am blank. But the next day maybe, I can't stop the words from flowing. 

I don't sit and try to write most of the time. I only write when I feel something and I think that has gotten me into trouble. I don't write for days or weeks. Then one day I'll write and the next 7 or so I won't. I'm not consistent. I need to be. I need to make routines for my personal life and my writing life. 

One of the good advice I found one day on Pinterest was to write everyday. No matter how you feel. And to leave the last sentence you were writing incomplete. So at least when you first sit down to write, you finish the sentence and write something good. I liked that saying and it worked so much. I did it for the entire book I wrote. The editing is what has got me stuck. 

I am blank and I feel like I have finished that story. So I want to write and work on something else but their story needs to be finished. Kasey and Sarah need to have their story told, before I leave them. They were the first and they should be finished. One way or other another, you are going to meet Kasey and Sarah. You are going to fall in love with them and their story. Then you are going to wonder about Celine. 

One Brave Step Forward

It's a scary thing... to realize that for 2 years you have shut down. 

A pandemic hit. A normal routine was thrown off completely. A massive job change. A new job. And new worries. A war on the other side of the world. 

Two years is a long time. You don't even realize it has past til you pick up your book and try to edit.  That is where I am. Finishing the edits I started two years ago.  Writing two more at the same time. But this time coming back with a passion and a goal. 

I mean honestly I had a passion, but the goal was fuzzy.
Submit my first book for publishing. .
.. Wow, when I look back and think about it.
I swear... I didn't know what I was doing.   

So in 2020, I re-met a lady who always inspired me even when our interactions were very brief before. Through our many conversations that year, she mentioned that she had published a book. I was like What?!? How?!? Her life was as busy as mine, but without a husband but with a kid. It sounded like a dream. Someone like me? Who dreamed of doing it and then did it? 

We chatted about it awhile. She was afraid to share her title with me. I guess she was worried what anyone would think. Didn't even use her real name. She had self-published it through Amazon. 

What are your thoughts? Amazon? Traditional way? What?